Why?

Posts here are sporadic at best.  How to you write about something your desperately want to pretend isn't happening?  I thought I had made it through the "why?" stage, but it keeps coming back.   Desperate frantic praying this isnt happening.  Dementia is so cruel.  It doesn't matter how much I grieve today, tomorrow I will have to say again, and grieve again.  So very tired.  So very sad.  I just want my father.  I miss him so much.  Why? Why? Why?